


Ivy’s Pot Brownies

by Gemini_00



Series: Batfamily Shorts [20]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Accidentally High, Alfred got stoned, Batfamily, Batfamily Feels, Big Brother Dick Grayson, Big Brother Jason Todd, Cuddles, F/M, Smol Damian Wayne, Weed, good parent Bruce Wayne, pot brownies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 17:24:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17853926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemini_00/pseuds/Gemini_00
Summary: Alfred, Duke, Damian and Tim accidentally eat some special brownies Ivy made for Selina. Now they all have to deal with some stoned baby bats and one high as a kite butler. Selina has to give Bruce the worst FaceTime call ever.





	Ivy’s Pot Brownies

**Author's Note:**

> Please support this wonderful Batfamily/Redhood fan series where I've gathered my inspiration for Damian Wayne and Jason Todd. Seriously they are Ismahawk level good  
> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq-0ZJeZQ99fS8CiF6nBlgg
> 
> and please support their Kickstart by donating even a dollar and share with your friends! They need it or we won't get a season two
> 
> http://bit.ly/redhoods2
> 
> Comments make the world go round.

Bruce was in the middle of briefing the Justice League on possible warfare going on in the middle east with the help of Diana who believed that men may have found amazonian sacred weapons when the line from the Bat Cave came into the Watchtower. The line was strictly meant for emergency so the sight of his fiance's fear ridden face sent fear through him.

 

“Cat, what’s wrong?” Bat asked.

 

“Robin ate pot brownies,” She shrieked. Wait, what?

 

“Robin.Is.High?” Batman made sure to make sure each word was punctuated very clearly. He could hear Green Lantern doing his best not to laugh.

 

“And Red Robin. And The Signal. And Agent A,” she gulped, “Please don’t call off our wedding.”

 

And boom, the Justice League interrupts into chaos. They’re laughing uncontrollably, it seems everyone forgets about the terrorist with Amazonian weapons. They’re laughing because the Batman, who wouldn’t even J-walk has four family members in Gotham high.

 

“Call Nightwing,” Batman demanded.

 

“He accidentally let Robin out of the trunk of the batmobile,” She told him. Hal is one the floor now.

 

“You locked my fifth grader in a trunk?” He yelled at her.

 

“Technically, he could be  a college graduate,” She argued. In seconds, she was shoved out of the way by Duke who was wearing Batgirls mask. Oh no. Not Duke, sweet and normal Duke.

 

“B, I’m a genius,” the teenager began as he held up what admittedly was a Bat shaped tortilla chip, “Bat chips. A freaking gold mine.”

 

“No! We are not hacking into the Minecraft database!” Batman could hear spoiler scream at who was probably Tim. Duke chips in surprise, accidentally breaking the chip, his fallen face taking over.

 

“Damn, my bat chip,” Duke whispered, eyeing the crunched chip. Batman immediately turned off the screen.

 

“I have to return home. I officially turn over this mission to Wonder Woman,” Batman informed the League, not that they cared much.

 

“Can I come with?” Hal asked. Bruce’s glare silenced the man fort the time being.

  
  


Bruce got home, hearing the commotion from the cave. Which knowing the cave, is very hard to do. Taking off the costume, he wandered upstairs wearing sweatpants and a white tee shirt where the mayhem got even louder. Selina’s panicked voice coming through.

 

The cow is upstairs. It has Jason’s jacket in his mouth. How did the cow get upstairs? Bruce heard a loud bang and ran towards the noise where Duke had a flame thrower.

 

“Bruce, I need to find the marshmallows,” Duke explained, “I’m starving.”

 

“Where the hell are you Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne?” Stephanie’s loud voice came through, “I want my bras back right now!”

 

Cow. Flame thrower. Bras.

 

“Duke, hand me that flame thrower right now,” Bruce took the flamethrower out of his hands and place it on the highest shelf of the library he could place it on. Not that would do much. He dragged Duke with him to where he found Dick and Selina attempting to get Damian off the chandelier while Jason was underneath the chandelier incase he needs to catch him. This explained while Selina locked him into a trunk. Cassandra and Stephanie were searching for Tim and what looked to be Duke if Stephanie’s yelling Duke’s name was any indication.

 

“Baba,” Damian slap happy voice screeced when he back flipped off the chandelier and Bruce catched him with panicked looks, “I’m tired but I can’t sleep.”

 

Bruce sighed and settled the monkey child on his hip before staring at them all. Titus came in walking very slowly with droopy eyes. Was the dog high?

 

“He was hungry too,” Damian shrugged.

 

“Where is Tim and Alfred?” He asked.

 

“We lost Alfred!” Jason screamed. Dick immediately went looking for the two, causing the house to scatter. Damian wiggled in his father’s arms but ultimately laid his dazed little head on the large shoulder. Duke pouted as his wrist was held tightly within Bruce’s grip.

 

The usual cocky Cat stared at him, “So this is like half my fault. The brownies clearly said to Selina, from Ivy.”

 

“These are poison Ivy pot brownies,” Bruce wanted to yell, but managed to breathe through his nose. 

1

2

3

 

“Bruce, I’m hungry still,” Duke pouted, with big red dilated eyes. 

 

Tim running down the stairs, wearing four different purple patterned bras before tripping and falling down all the stairs. Jason followed after him, but stopped to laugh at his brother.

 

“I found Alfred,” Dick said walking in with Alfred, wearing his best suit that was dripping wet, “He was in the pool with five cucumber sandwiches.”

 

“Master Bruce,” Alfred yelled, “I feel famished.”

 

“To the main living room, right now.Cat, get back here. I am not chasing after you on rooftops. This is your mess,” He stared down his fiance that was attempting to sneak out. He dragged the two in his reach to the main room, Dick closed the doors behind him when everyone entered. Stephanie was taking the bras off Tim leaving his pale chest for the rest to see.

 

“I’m naked,” Tim shrieked, “Damian’s too young to see.”

 

Cassandra rolled her eyes but wrapped the blanket around her younger brother before shoving him onto the couch. Damian was nearly out on his shoulder so he kept his voice down enough to not wake the youngest. That was not something he needed.

 

“Okay, here’s what we are going to do…” Bruce took a long breath, “We are not posting this on social media, we are going to get food and water for our dear stoner friends. We are removing any weapons or  _ flamethrowers  _ out of there reach. They will stay in this room and sleep off their high while I monitor them. The rest of you will get the cow back in his field area, clean this house, and cover their patrol. Am I clear?”

 

“So just to be clear, you haven’t seen the kitchen yet?” Jason asked.

 

What happened to the kitchen?

**Author's Note:**

> Please support this wonderful Batfamily/Redhood fan series where I've gathered my inspiration for Damian Wayne and Jason Todd. Seriously they are Ismahawk level good  
> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq-0ZJeZQ99fS8CiF6nBlgg
> 
> and please support their Kickstart by donating even a dollar and share with your friends! They need it or we won't get a season two
> 
> http://bit.ly/redhoods2
> 
> Comments make the world go round.


End file.
